Imagine for a minute, you’re on your couch with your significant other, it’s just the two of you. The lights are low, the mood romantic, the wine is flowing. You decide to take this party to the bedroom. You open the door and passionately make your way towards the bed, taking off clothes as you move…
You approach the bed and… you have to move that pile of laundry you meant to fold this morning. Ugh, what’s that sticking in my back? The baby’s toy car he left while playing there this afternoon! And why are there crumbs everywhere! Oh careful don’t trip over that pile of shoes!
And there went the moment. We’ve all been there. We try to manage our lives, and in the course of the day things are left undone, moved from here to there, and can pile up quickly, literally and figuratively.
The connection between our sex life and a disorganized house is strong. Clutter throughout the house, and especially in your bedroom, will build feelings of anxiety and stress for both people. This leads to general frustration and arguments – not exactly an environment that inspires intimacy. But did you know it can go deeper than that?
Fights about clutter can be a sign of other problems in our relationship. That one partner isn’t feeling respected or appreciated or that the communication in the relationship isn’t working. When you first met you had no problem doing his dishes, or picking up her clothes. But now… it’s just one more thing to bitch about. You’ve started keeping score – I do this much and you don’t do anything. Hardly a romantic notion, and it’s definitely not good for passionate sex.
And yet, the problems can still go deeper…
For women, good sex is all mental. Women need to feel emotionally connected to their partner. They need emotional security to build feelings of desire.
But men… men are different. When it comes to sex men are visual creatures. They don’t need to feel emotionally connected to be aroused. That’s why they are the predominate consumers of porn – they like what they see.
In a 2013 survey conducted by the Huffington Post, 81% of men report experiencing anxiety over home upkeep. The main culprit of this anxiety is clutter; clutter they consider to be overwhelming. Men also react to anxiety differently – they feel ashamed; they feel they are failing. They are embarrassed and don’t seek help to correct the problem. Symptoms of anxiety can include undue stress, worry, and fear. Untreated anxiety can affect the ability to work, maintain relationships, as well as other leading to other health issues such as erectile dysfunction.
So what can we do? How can we keep clutter from affecting our relationship? As is true for everything in life, if you want change – you have to act.
Start with the vision.
Your master bedroom should be THE most important room in the house. You need to build a sense of intimacy in your master bedroom. To start make a list of what you want your bedroom to be. A sanctuary, intimate, romantic? No work towards that vision.
Declutter the room, taking out anything that doesn’t fit with your vision. Be clear with your partner as to what the vision is – work together, keeping communication open. Clear off the tops of nightstands and dressers. Take out the piles of unfolded laundry. Set limits for what items are stored there. And most importantly, set limits for your kids being in the room – this is your sanctuary and escape, not an extra playroom. Everything in the room needs to fit the vision you have for the space. Remember, if you have to think about it, it needs to go.
Take a deep breathe.
And when it’s time to be intimate… relax, enjoy, and be in the moment!
If you’re unable to have a conversation with your partner about clutter, or if it feel too overwhelming to even think about, you may need to call in a professional organizer. At the very least they can get you started on the road to your vision.